I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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