I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
