Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
