I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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