genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
operation harelip BJ is a go
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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