I cockslap morals
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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