you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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