i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
