Your face is a jimmy john
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
