Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
