I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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