I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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