ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have fence marks all over my body
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
