You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
