When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
