My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
