My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
