broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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