It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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