I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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