she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
