I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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