STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
