last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
