OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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