Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
