you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
