I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
