my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
