I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
