That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
