AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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