make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
