Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
