You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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