i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
