I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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