sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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