I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
