youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
