I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
