3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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