It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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