sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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