dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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