also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
