She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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