Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
BRING THE BAGELS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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