I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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