i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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