Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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