I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
