put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
