U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize