my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i dont even know how to be here
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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