nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
