I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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