I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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