Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's just like the Real World with babies
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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