went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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