I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
