you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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