idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize