That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
