nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
