I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
